I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
