You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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