he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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