You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
