I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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