My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
