I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Are we still banned from the library?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
