covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize