i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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