i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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