A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
