we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
