I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
