I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
