i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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