I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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