Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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