I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
