Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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