I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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