I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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