: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
