Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
