Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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