Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
