so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
