She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
