made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
