I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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