I'm gonna have a badass scar
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
