You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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