I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have fence marks all over my body
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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