Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
