Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
