We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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