i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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