He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
