If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
