just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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