I got chris browned last night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
