Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well you can't waste a boner
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
