He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry my hands just texted you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
