"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize