I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
