I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
