i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
