Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We have so much sex to catch up on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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