How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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