Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
