but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
