I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
