Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
