my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
