We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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