3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
