I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
