he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
