wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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