I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
