I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
