why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so let's talk penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
