I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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