as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
