bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
