i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
