I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
