i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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