Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
